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- Miss Shanice
- I'm a Daughter, a Sister, an Author, a Friend to many and a Student. And I love being each and every one of them.
Thursday 4 March 2010
Chapter 10: Hesitations & Acquiescence
03:26 | Posted by
Miss Shanice |
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Hesitations & Acquiescence
Bella POV
I sighed and looked across the room to where Edward was sitting, hands in his lap and his head bowed slightly with furrowed brows.
“Edward?”
“What?” he muttered sharply. A flash of hurt contorted my facial features from the tone in his voice.
“Uh...I-We, uh, need to get some food,” I mumbled silently, feeling almost embarrassed for being hungry and disturbing his silent thinking. We had been sitting like this, him in a worn out brown cushioned seat and me on a wobbly wooden chair for at least an hour. I still hadn’t eaten any breakfast, and it was coming up to one in the afternoon.
To my horror a large gurgling sound rumbled in my stomach and vibrated through the tense space. I hid my face in embarrassment and heard a quiet sigh escape Edward, followed by his footsteps as he retreated from the room. After a moment he came back in wearing a long black coat. He pushed a pair of nondescript sunglasses, which were nestled between the locks of his messy bronze hair, down onto his eyes and his appearance looked to be almost dangerous. Almost.
“I’ll be back with some food,” he muttered, and seeing as I couldn’t see the green of his eyes through the glasses, I let my gaze focus on the movement of his lips as he spoke, still in awe at the graceful movements his mouth made as his tongue and lips shaped each syllable.
“Bella? Did you hear me?”
“Huh?”
I forced myself to look away from his lips and let my gaze travel upwards, only to be met with my own reflection from his glasses.
“I said don’t go anywhere while I’m away. Just... stay.”
I nodded and he replied with a stiff nod of his own, before turning and leaving the small motel room.
I frowned at the space he had just occupied, wondering what had gotten into him all of a sudden. I thought that maybe we had been making some kind of progress earlier. I couldn’t even describe the way his lips curled up into the warm smile he gave when I had heard him coming down the stairs back at the apartment building.
I knew it was silly but I honestly believed that he wouldn’t be coming back, and, as the minutes started to tick by where I crouched into the corner underneath the concrete steps, I had such a feeling of uncertainty and vulnerability. It was shocking how safe I actually felt with Edward, and how that had been the first time I had been away from him, and how, in the first few seconds of being away from him, I had been freaking the hell out.
I had considered going back up there, just to assuage my strained nerves with his presence when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I held my breath and clenched my hands into fists. Some part of me hoped it was Edward, but I realized his visitor would still be up there. Instead my eyes fixed upon an attractive, lean middle aged man. Just like Edward, his face held strong, angled features and the way he moved; with such precision and measured grace made me think that if it weren’t for the contrasting blonde hair and blue eyes, I would have assumed him to be related to Edward in some way.
I had pushed myself further to the wall and out of his sight when he had stopped in his tracks and glanced over his shoulder. My heart was straining in my chest as I had attempted to control my heavy breathing, certain that he had spotted me, but his shoulders just heaved as he let out a heavy sigh, and a small shake of his head, before he pushed the door to the exit, and disappeared from sight.
Coming back to the present, I pushed off of the wobbly chair and walked into the dim, small kitchen, deciding to distract myself by tidying up somewhat. But as I scrubbed down the dirty countertops with a dingy dishcloth that I found in the sink, my mind wondered back to the smile that had graced Edwards’s lips. How, with the action, his eyes squinted slightly, crinkled at the sides and the small strands of his copper hair dangled, haphazardly over his brow.
A soft voice brought me out of my daydreams and I swivelled round, startled at the silence of Edward’s return.
He frowned at my sudden movement, his glasses no longer covering the intense green of his eyes, and his hair, a flame of cowlicks that, in some places, curled at the tips.
“I brought some food,” His voice was soft, gentle; a soothing lullaby carrying out to a distressed child, coupled with a tone of apology.
I blinked, still momentarily dazed from how the softness of his voice had caressed my ears, smoothing out the jagged edges caused by the curt, sharpness of his voice from beforehand.
“Thanks,” I breathed, the smell of bread carrying out to me and reminding me of how hungry I actually was. I eagerly released the bag from his grip, brought it to the counter and unpacked the bread, cheese, ham, and of course I thought with a smile, two cartons of milk.
“So,” I cleared my throat as I began unwrapping the ham and cheese, “I’m gonna make some sandwiches, you want one?” I turned to face him, my eyebrows raised in advance for his answer.
But he was gone.
I frowned at his constant creeping around, and shrugged, deciding to make him one anyway. From what I had seen of him, he hadn’t eaten once, and he must have been hungry. My mind once again travelled back in time to the little things about Edward. His infatuation with that goddamn plant, how, when we first checked in, he immediately drew the curtains, save for nets in the kitchen, checked behind every single door, his eyes wild and dancing about warily as he inspected each room, before in the end placing the plant on the kitchen windowsill, with the window open, and collapsing onto the brown chair in the living room, his stance being the same until I had called out to him.
I found some plates in the cupboard and washed them with hot water twice before drying and placed the food upon them, carrying them out into the living room where Edward was, once again, slumped over his knees in the bleak brown chair. His eyes were tightly closed as he held his forehead in his hands, his pale fingers gripping tendrils of his hair.
I felt a pang of guilt in my chest at the tormented expression on his face, knowing that me being here was obviously causing the harshness in his demeanour.
“Here,” I murmured, holding the plate out to him. He slowly lifted his head and glanced at the sandwich on the plate, taking it gently from me and nodded minutely.
“Thanks,” he muttered, and sat back, placing the plate on his lap.
We ate our food silently, him still on the brown chair, me perched carefully on the unstable wooden one across from him. My eyes stayed fixed on him while he ate, but his eyes never left the food in his hands, until he finished, nothing on the plate save a few crumbs.
He cleared his throat and finally glanced up at me, his expression guarded, eyes expressing nothing but green and amber.
“I have a job tomorrow,” He announced. His voice still soft but somewhat bemused as he continued gazing at me.
I swallowed the last of my sandwich heavily, and nodded slowly, a nonsensical fear spread through me at the idea of him going out tomorrow to kill someone. A fear not for the person he was going to kill, but instead a fear of something going wrong for him and getting hurt, even though he had obviously been doing this for years, and was perfectly trained.
Like I said; nonsensical.
“Where?” I asked curiously, my eyes firmly fixed to his.
“Not far from here,” He replied evasively, a frown on his face.
“What if I need to go- “
“No,” He blurted out, interrupting my question with wary eyes.
“You can’t go anywhere Bella, Christ how many times do I need to tell you?”
I folded my arms and leaned back against the chair, my face appraising.
“I thought you didn’t want me here anyway? Why would you care if I went out and got a bullet in the head?”
Edward grimaced as I mentioned this and his face became hard as his eyes glared at me defensively.
“I didn’t,” he muttered sourly, his face contorted as if his own words confused him.
“Didn’t?” I pressed, starting to sound as confused as he looked, “As in past tense?... So... you do care now?” Hope swelled in my chest at the possibility of having him care about me.
“I don’t know,” he murmured, his eyes losing their hard exterior and melting into mine, his face became soft as he looked at me as if I held the answer to his doubts.
“Bella... I-” I blanched at the negativity in his voice as he said my name. The last time he spoke like that he was saying I had to leave, and I rushed to interrupt him.
“Teach me,” I blurted out unthinkingly, my heart picking up speed, anxious for his reply. As understanding reached his eyes, I saw them harden, and his face once again clenched and became guarded.
He had put his walls back up.
“No,” he glared at me, his expression dark.
“Edward please, I can’t stay locked up here forever, I mean... what about... school?”
Edward’s face looked horrified, his eyes wide in shock.
“School? How old are you Bella?” he asked and then tightly shut his eyes, as if bracing himself for the answer.
“Seventeen.” I replied hesitantly.
“Jesus,” he breathed through a sigh and stared at the floor pensively, his face somewhat disgusted. I hung my head in confusion at his expression as I felt my face warm.
“You can’t go to school. They would have been informed of your parents’ death, and Aro would know to look there first. Too dangerous,” He muttered as he stood up and walked over to the window, moving the curtain an inch and unmasking a slither of bright light into the dimmed room as he gazed out of it.
“As for the... teaching,” he said distastefully, as if the mere idea sickened him, “my answer still stands.”
He turned to me, giving me a look that said the matter wasn’t up for discussion. His gaze was firm.
My face fell and I waited for the defeated tears to spill down my cheeks as I nodded and averted my gaze. They never came.
“Okay,” I whispered; my voice small as I stared unseeingly at the floor.
He sighed, and when I brought my eyes back up at him, his face looked pained as he appraised my expression.
“Bella... I can’t; you don’t know what you’re asking!” He raised his voice, and pinched the bridge of his nose, his face scrunched up in frustration.
“But... But what about... the theory... like just the basics?!” My voice raised in desperation as I looked up at him pleadingly, “Just the basics Edward, like self defence and shit...” I winced at the ending of that sentence; me cursing at him wasn’t likely to help my case.
His lips twitched up into a small smile before his face calmed into a mask of thoughtfulness.
“The basics,” he muttered, more to himself as the silence wrapped around us, the room tense and awaiting his answer. His gaze stayed fixed on mine; perceptive green meeting ignorant brown.
I nodded, my eyes wide as I watched his face and body relaxing.
“Just the basics,” I repeated reassuringly.
He sighed heavily and dropped his head, shaking it from side to side,
“Okay...” he whispered, and I was sure that I hadn’t heard the word escape his lips; certain that in my hopeful state I was mistaken.
“... W-what?” I stuttered hesitantly.
“I said... Okay,” he sighed once again, and lifted his face up; his eyes defeated yet warm as they bored into mine.
I grinned and, without a thought launched myself out of the stupid decrepit chair, and flung my arms round his neck.
“Thank you, thank you! Oh I swear Edward I’ll- I’ll” Too excited, relieved and thankful of his acceptance, I couldn’t get out the words against his stiff neck.
Stiff neck. Shit.
My actions suddenly caught up with me and I froze, my eyes snapped wide open and stared over his shoulder in uncertainty. My mind told me to unlock my arms and put space between us.
My body didn’t listen.
I felt Edward’s chest expand as he inhaled deeply and his muscles twitched and moved as he brought his hands up to rest on my waist. The warmth of his hands burned into my skin, melting through the flesh and bone causing an involuntary shudder to escape me.
Edward cleared his throat and pulled away, his eyes warily darting around the room and not meeting mine. He nodded and swiftly met my gaze for a second.
“Uh... Okay then...” He trailed off and smiled awkwardly at me as my face flushed and I nodded back at him, now being the one to avert my gaze to the floor.
“I uh... have to go to Carl- Err... somewhere... I should be back. Soon.”
“Okay,” I replied quickly pretending not to notice his rephrasing. My mind spun at what sounded like the beginning of a name that he mentioned.
Carla? Carlie? Carline?
With a scowl I pushed the thought away and situated myself back on the wooden chair as he continued standing by the window.
“Don’t go anywhere Bella,” he commanded, his voice firm and serious. I nodded without meeting his gaze and he left the room, and then, the motel room altogether.
Refusing to mull over where or, who he could possibly be going to see, I focused instead, on the memory of his hands on my waist, and the warmth they caused to ignite within my body.
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